I want to share my experience on Emotional manipulation.
I am someone who has low self esteem, really really low self-esteem and I don’t believe in myself at all.
I’m also 17years old.
These pieces of information may be useful in my narration.
I met this guy on WhatsApp. He got my contact from a group and messaged me. We started talking and the friendship was becoming stronger.
I found out he stayed around my area, so I met up with him and we started seeing each other physically.
He said he liked me, I rejected him because I am not ready to get into a relationship but we agreed to still be friends.
I had an issue in school, to be precise my department group where a girl abused me calling me a minor and telling me to shut up. It got to me because I am really low on my self esteem and don’t really see the good in myself.
I complained to the guy and he was like he’ll help me out. Me believing in him did everything he asked me to.
He’ll tell me to dress skimpily, making my skirts shorter. He started inviting me to clubs because he is a dancer but I refused to go to anyone which made him angry.
He started controlling me, the way I dress, the way I talk, and where I go to. He’ll take me to places and see people that I normally won’t go to and won’t be comfortable around.
I started drinking this popular drink called “Elle”, a sweet drink mixed with weed which makes someone dizzy and sleepy.
Anytime I rebel and tell him I don’t like the way he tells me to dress, he’ll bring up the issue of people insulting me that I need to dress and behave like a big girl to stop the insults.
In a bid to make him happy thinking I’m doing the right and also making myself happy, I will always try to do go with what he says.
He started asking me for money in the rudest form and he’ll be like he’ll pay back but I was like, that’s his behavior.
He’ll invite me to house parties which I’ll go and they smoke and drink there.
When he found out I haven’t had sex before, he was surprised. He didn’t talk but indirectly made it known to me that I can’t be trying to be mature if I still have my virginity holding me back.
He’ll give me example of his sister who has to boyfriends and how she is mature and dresses well so they can’t abuse her.
I started sleeping outside my hostel and lying to my parents.
So in one of the days I slept in his hostel, I actually had my first time with him, in a bid to make me feel mature. But it didn’t help, only made me feel more dirty.
Them the fear of pregnancy crept in. I was so scared that I was pregnant, at this time our friendship wasn’t the same again.
When I told him about my fear he’ll talk to me violently and tell me I’m lying.
These events happened last semester. I kept to myself, I was depressed because it became clearer to me that I am being emotionally manipulated to do his will and biddings.
I started keeping to myself, became hostile to my friends, always afraid of sleeping home because I will think alot, stopped going to Church because I felt guilty.
Anytime I wanted to come out of my depression, I’ll remember my pregnancy fear and the fact that I was so naive and foolish to have done everything he told me to do , all the controlling.
I wrote my last semester exams in fear and my results dropped.
After doing 6 pregnancy strip test different times, they all came out negative plus I have been seeing my period regularly since that happening, I decided it was time to some out of my depression.
It wasn’t easy, but the first step i did was the delete his number and every access he is going to have with me.
Then I had to clean up my hostel, I live alone and I completely left my hostel in a great mess for months during the period I was emotionally down because I didn’t have the emotional motivation to arrange it.
When I finally opened up to my friends this semester about what I went through, they were shocked. I had bottled it up always smiling out but breaking inside, They were like I should have opened up about my fears and depression.
What I want people to learn from my story is first the red flags to look for in anyone who tries to manipulate them emotionally.
- They’ll always use ones weak point to get them to do something.
- They like control
- They always want the you to do their biddings.
- Your opinions, options and comfortability is irrelevant to them.
- They always put you in a position where it would seem you are at fault when it’s actually the oyer way around.
- They’ll guilt trap you.
I have successfully come out of my depression and this part of my life taught me lessons I would like to share also.
- Believe in yourself and know your worth.
- Never let a person guilt trap you.
- Be proud of yourself and see yourself as the best.
- Build your self esteem.
- Never let anybody talk you down.
- Age is just a number.
- Also never talk down on someone.