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I won’t let them win

You know I’ve had different experiences
1) I don’t remember the age, but I know it was before I was in year 2, that’s primary 2 , so it definitely happened before I was six, I was at our neighbours house playing when their elder brother came in and did some inappropriate things to me, it was painful
The only thing I know is I can’t relate to girls when they talk about having sex for the first time with their boyfriends and loosing their virginity

2) the second time was my daddies best Friend, he came to our house to sleep over and at night he sneaked into my room, I ran to the parlour and ge followed me, I went back to my room took my compass from
My math sets and when he tried to touch me again I stabbed him in the face, I was so angry. The compass didn’t do much damage but he stayed away. I told my mum but nothing happened

3) was my older cousin, my whole family knew I hated him but I wouldn’t say why, until one day I broke his new phone in rage, my mum and Aunty called us for a talk and I told them that he touched me forcefully inappropriately on my boobs and bum and they didn’t believe me. They just gave us this stupid lecture and practically blamed me

4) this one maybe I was just very stupid, after everything this one seemed like my fault, I was 16 I met this person at a party on new year and we became friends and we would visit each other regularly he soon became my best friend in a short period of time so I trusted him because well he was trustworthy and one day I was sick at home alone and he called, he was worried I was home alone but he couldn’t leave home for some reason so he sent me money to Uber to his house and I did and as I was sleeping he came on top of me, i fought him actually and I hit my head on the bed, I was already very sick and I felt dizzy and weak so I just begged him to use a condom and be gentle, he used a condom and he wasn’t gentle he choked me till I blacked out when I woke up he ordered another ride to take mr home kissed me and said he loved me
I didn’t even know what to feel

I refuse to put emotions while writing this because that means they won in fuking up my life, I’m not fuked up and I’m normal let’s me just stop typing here

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